Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Sometimes, You Have to Splurge

So yesterday was terrible. I was already in a funk of sorts, and then I got a letter from DHHS saying that my food stamp benefits we being cut back to $16 a month. That just made my day hit rock bottom. I cried, I got  really, really angry to the point that I wanted to provoke someone just for violence, I wanted vengeance (what I mean is, I was honest in reporting my unemployment  to the state. My ex's leech roommates, I am pretty sure, lied to the state to get benefits. They live in his house rent free and no utilities or heat are in their name. He also works full time and contributes to groceries, all things that would disqualify them, regardless of them having a single income of 1500 a month. Naturally, I wanted to substantiate this claim and report them). Everything seemed bad and even as good as my job interview went, even that seemed out of reach. Oh yeah, and Planet Fitness made me overdraw my bank account, and I can't even afford to cancel my membership.

Today is a little better even though I got a bill for $307 from the hospital for lab work I recently had done. That's some bullshit right there. Checking vitamin deficiencies should not cost that much if a lithium level costs $58. But anyway. I had to go to the bank so I said "fuck it, I'm getting an iced coffee." See, little things like that I usually deny myself, because when you add up how much per week daily coffee consumption costs, it's a lot (this is actually a training module Dunkin' Donuts managers go through to track sales trends, and how I realized how much coffee I used to buy). But you know, I needed the pick-me-up. And you know what else? I've been itching for a new video game and I only buy used anyway so I bought a couple of fucking games.

I don't feel bad not having finished the first yet

Denying myself all the time is making me resentful of the people around me that have things. I'm not an acetic, and I never was. I like my toys and I've done really well on a very fixed income, but I need to do for me, every now and then. I may not be able to get my nails done every 3 weeks or my hair done, but the occasional used game or $5 movie at WalMart isn't going to kill me.

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