Friday, July 13, 2012

Gotta Love Crazy Chicks

Being a girl who has Psycho Ex Tendencies(TM), when the WWE introduced a storyline with their Diva AJ Lee losing her shit after a breakup with douchebag and former World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan, I was all over that shit. Long story short, Daniel Bryan blamed her for his loss at Wrestlemania, she slapped the shit out of any of her girlfriends or fellow Divas that tried to reach out to her, then she started to turn her attention toward other wrestlers.

Will it be the handsome CM Punk, evil Kane, or her ex Goatbeard McVegan?
I love that they made it a love quadrangle, because love triangles are for chumps. So, week after week, we kept seeing the crazy. During a match, her theme music would suddenly play, and she would come skipping out, distracting the wrestlers. I started to see a pattern: she would distract the other wrestler against CM Punk so that he would win, and in the case of distracting Kane, end up carried off, probably for rapies, while she gave Punk a salacious look over his shoulder. Don't believe me?

I'll wash his scent off me after

Sadly, after all the fun, WWE decided to write Kane out of the love quadrangle. It was hilarious, the demon letting her down gently by telling her that it was a bad thing if he found her unstable, that she needed help and that he isn't "boyfriend material." I laughed so hard. If you don't watch professional wrestling, you don't get how hilarious it is that Kane, who was touted as the Undertaker's brother, who is now the last of the old-school "story" wrestlers, whose schtick is evil and being inhuman, tell someone he is not boyfriend material.

"I'm just not boyfriend material"

So now AJ bounces between Punk and the pasty asshole with the soup-strainer mustache, still skipping, still crazy eyes. And then it's announced that she will be the special guest referee for their match at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view (I'd really like to see this, but the person who would order it is my ex, and I  don't know if he's getting it Sunday, which is the day I'll be there anyway). Then Daniel Bryan starts confessing his love for her (before when they were in a relationship, he was really kind of emotionally abusive to her) but AJ realizes he's trying to sway her. Still... she seems to be making doe-eyes at him too. But then she busts out that Punk is her soul mate. And proposes.

This is some bullshit right here-- Punk's  face

Then Bryan proposes. Then they have a mixed tag team match where AJ and Punk win but Punk tells her he won't be marrying her and she slaps him. And oh man his face. Anyone who has been around men with anger management issues has seen that face, and the head swerve while he tries really, really hard not to hit back. Of course, Daniel Bryan, the douchenozzle, starts saying "come home!" and she soundly slaps him too, and skips merrily off to her theme music.

I LOVE this girl! I wish she would skip back to Kane, just for funsies.

I sleep with your hairbrush
I'm so obsessed. Her theme is my ringtone. Which means every time she skips out on TV, I'm checking my phone. Oh well.

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