Friday, June 30, 2017

A Year Alone

A year ago, I finally met the man that would steal my heart. After months of talking almost every day, he came to see me. I've been keeping busy all day, but just now, I looked at the clock and realized a year ago today, at 9pm, I got in my car and headed to New Hampshire to pick him up from the airport. We got back to my house around 2am and didn't fall asleep until after 6am. We spent 5 amazing days together. I tried to plan a trip to visit him in October, but those plans fell through due to his demanding work schedule and being in graduate school, that was the only viable time I could have gone. I start a new job Monday, and that leaves me once again with no option to travel.

It's been a year, and that realization has hit me hard.

I ask you, my friends and family, if you see me this weekend and I seem a little sad, don't pry. I don't like crying in front of people which is what I do whenever someone asks "so, when do you get to see him again?"

Distance is hard.

My "I think about him all the time and I miss him and I'm sad so I'm going to sit here and cry" song is Tove Lo's "Habits (Stay High) Hippie Sabotage Remix." Funny, when I first heard it I thought it was glorifying drug use (well... kinda. Inappropriate coping mechanisms) but listening to it more and more, it became my on-repeat song for missing him.

I'm probably going to listen to it a few times this weekend.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Bi Erasure, Biphobia, and Treating People Like a Fetish

Pride month is wrapping up, and I've had a few thoughts that have been stewing at a rolling boil just below the surface, and it started with The Babadook. I am not "babashook" about people elevating a horror movie character (from a fairly good movie, mind you) to the New Gay Icon(tm) and proclaiming that the B in LGBTQIA+ stood for Babadook. I am not here for that at all. And neither are other bisexuals.

Other? Yeah, about that. I'm bisexual.

Apologies to my family who find out via my blog. I never felt a "coming out" was important or necessary, because all of my relationships have been with men and let's face it, we all know I'm too huge of a catty bitch to have a functional relationship with a woman. It's not a big deal. I don't even particularly care about labels, but if you want to put one on it, there you go.

Back to the Babadook and why it's a big deal. Bi erasure is a huge problem not only in mainstream media but within the LGBTQIA+ community. Bisexuals are faced with stigma, exclusion, and treated like they're too gay to be in straight spaces but too straight to be in gay spaces. At the best, bisexual people are ignored. At the worst, they're either treated like a fetish for straight-identifying people or instantly categorized as inherently unfaithful and untrustworthy partners.

Let me tell you why the way bisexuals are treated is bullshit:

1. A bisexual person is perfectly capable of being in a committed, loving relationship with someone without being "tempted" to cheat, without feeling like they're "missing out" on the other sex. I am a ridiculously faithful person, even with a partner 1,200 miles away that I haven't seen in a year. Don't tell me I'm a cheater because I'm bi!

2. If someone tells you they're bisexual, your instant response shouldn't be "wanna have a threesome?" Please. That gets old really quick, and I can tell you, threesomes are kind of overrated, awkward, and boring. I'm not here to be your unrequited fetish fantasy.

3. It's not that I can't choose. I am attracted to both. It's how I am. Penises are awesome. Vulvas are awesome. It's not a phase. If it is, it's a 20 year one.

4. Bi people aren't bi for attention. If I was bi for attention, I would have... come out?

I'm sure so many others have written about the topic of bi erasure and biphobia much, much more eloquently than I have. But the whole point of this blog was to work through my feeling and thoughts as I wandered through my day-to-day life. So to sum up: I'm bi. No I don't cheat. I'm not attracted to you, don't worry. No I don't want a threesome. Yes I belong in queer spaces. No it's not a phase/for attention/because I can't choose. Yes I am valid. Yes I am visible. Yes I belong.

Oh and P.S., stop being shitty to asexual, intersex, gender noncomforming, nonbinary, trans, and other erased members of the community. They're just as valid.