Sunday, June 17, 2012

Third Time's a Charm?

So, a blog again. This makes number 3. I tried to empower myself with a sexuality blog (no you may not have a link), started a cooking blog and was flamed off the Internet for being classist. I need a place to unload, but the cold, unfeeling pages of a journal just aren't enough. Besides, I don't want it to be private. I have too many words to burden my Facebook with, and sometimes I want to talk about things that really matter. So why the title with the serene backdrop? Well, I always feel like I am under a sort of general malaise. I'm bipolar and arthritic and there are days that I just feel off. Not sick, but just... malaise. It is most often in these times of general malaise that I want to run away to the comfort of the forest, the very greenness of it, the scent, the sounds of the birds, the stillness.

I just got back from the woods. It was so calm. No asshole neighbors setting off fireworks, running RC cars up and down the road, no yap dogs running constantly at the mouth. It smelled fresh and clean and was so apart from everything. I realize I'm a flight risk, that I can easily run away from my problems, from life, and into the forest, go off the grid. I don't like living near other people, I don't like neighborly camaraderie and community; quite simply, I want to be left  alone.

Sadly, I have no job, and a pile of debt. I  only have a temporary escape to a camp that I  daren't live at for the summer because, for the lack of cell signal, what happens if I miss the interview call? What if what if what if.

On another note, I have washed my hands a billion times and I swear I can still smell trout.

My Dad caught me a trout this weekend

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