Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

I took the picture of the nearly-full Wolf moon to the right on December 31, 2017, the last day of my employment. I am starting out this new year unemployed, however unlike past periods of unemployment, I'm... calm. I did have a bad spell a few weeks prior to my job ending, but as I got closer to the day, I got calmer and calmer. Granted, I did cry a few times on my last day, but when you've created close bonds with people, enjoy what you do, and people have told you how valuable your work has been, that can be emotional. In the spring, when I started looking for jobs in earnest, I didn't have the confidence that I had the skills it took to be successful. The last 6 months have proven that wrong, and I have a resume that people are actually looking at now.

When I was complaining about my microwave the other night to Joe, he told me to go get a new one. I told him that wasn't in the budget since I don't currently have a job. His retort was that I seem--and have seemed-- unconcerned with that fact. And it's true. I am unconcerned. I'm not going to recklessly spend money, but I'm not freaking out. I have a final paycheck coming, and holiday pay, and I've applied for unemployment. Unlike prior years, I won't have to fight for unemployment, because I was laid off, not fired. I have a little cash set aside. I have a little in savings. I have plenty of staple foods in my cupboards (beans, rice, frozen veggies, frozen meat). I survive, and I'm not worried.

Instead of freaking out this time around, I found comfort not only in knowing I would have a little time to myself (I never took vacation time while I was working) but also that I have prospects lined up and likely won't be unemployed for long. Probably just long enough for me to start getting bored with being home all the time. I'm looking forward to reading, gaming, taking care of myself, and hanging out with my cats. I'm taking solace in the fact that, as a snowstorm is preparing to barrel down on the state tomorrow, I won't have to worry about trying to drive to a job in it or in its aftermath.

This is the calmest I've ever been without a job.

I could get used to this serenity.