Ramble...

I have a couple rants on my mind but I just don't feel like putting them down yet. As I mumbled in my book review blog, I always feel bad when it's been a while since I've posted something. It's almost the new year, and with that new year, I may possibly have a job. I'll have to wait for the HR person at the place to get back to me, but damn, a job! And at a place where I won't have to worry about covering up my tattoo, nonetheless.

So I just realized that I'm sitting here reading articles on Buzzfeed instead of writing but my headache is largely gone. Also, I just had my mind blown as I looked at my cover of Battle Royale and realized that in the negative space between the boy and the girl on the cover (likely Shuya and Noriko) is a shotgun. I never noticed it before, as much as I looked at the cover. Mind. Blown.

Okay, I'll write more another time when I'm not so distracted.

An Adult's Letter to Santa, part 2

Dear Santa,

You must have gotten my letter (my faith is renewed in the Postal Service, either that or you read my blog) and I just wanted to thank you for the job interview I have on the day after Christmas. Now if you have any sway over the IRS to erase my tax debt and Congress to pass unemployment extensions, that would be super. But seriously, the fact that I got an email the day after I submitted my resume asking if I could come in for an interview on the 26th was awesome. Thanks, buddy (not to be confused with Buddy). Even though I still can't afford presents for my family, my faith in the season is a little bit restored and the crushing depression I have felt for the last week is lifting a bit.

Thanks again,

Me

Everyone has an Opinion on Welfare

The subject of welfare is often a touchy subject, and one close to home for me, because, if you've been following along, I have been unemployed for over a year now and have been on food stamps that back in August got cut down to only $16 a month. Most of the time, I have huge guilt over buying food because it means money is coming away from a bill. I struggle to pay my medical bills and to pay for prescriptions because I didn't bother to apply for MaineCare, knowing I'd either be denied or waitlisted. It's extremely stressful, to say the least.

Being in my position, it's very hard to keep my mouth shut when people voice opinions about how welfare and assistance programs should be run. And these people, 100% of the time, are securely employed with no risk of ever being in my position. I won't lie, I had my opinions, and still do about some things, but I think some people don't stop and think about the people they actually know that are on assistance, or they throw in a quick "but not you, you're different!" to assuage the situation, as if it really takes back the harm that was done. For someone as liberal as myself I have a surprising amount of right-wing Republican friends, and they always seem to be the most vocal. I hate to pick on them, but I wrote about it before that being Republican is becoming synonymous with hate, and it's a very disturbing trend. It seems so much more prevalent with social media that at times, it's hard not to tell my friends just what I think about them when they post ignorant, bigoted, biased things without real thought.

It's so easy to look at a person and say "well no wonder they're poor," or "they're so lazy!" or "look at all the luxuries this person has, and on welfare!" but let's stop and look at the bigger picture. A friend of mine shared a graphic and I thought it exemplified a point I wanted to make quite well. Yes, it's a bit glurgy, but I can relate to it. On a personal level, I have a Coach purse, a large 40" TV, an Xbox, a bluray player, and more shoes than any one person needs, as well as high-end cosmetics. My own brother-in-law tried to give me grief over these things when I was unemployed, to which I replied I bought them all when I was still working and making good money. Yes, I do have an expensive cell phone and data plan, which are a necessity, because not all of my job hunting/networking is done from home. Yes, I just got a tattoo while unemployed. Know how I payed for it? Can and bottle returns (actually, that's how I paid for the TV). So, it's easy to judge someone on the superficial things without knowing the whole picture. And when I shop for food, I paw through every package of meat and buy bare minimums to get me by, and when I can, I buy things that will freeze well. I have learned, in this past year, to make money and food stretch. It has been a hard lesson.

Am I bitter about some aspects of public assistance? I would be lying if I said no. In fact, socialized healthcare frustrates me to no end, because I feel as if I am seen as nothing more than a uterus instead of a person. Remember how I didn't bother to apply for MaineCare? That's exactly why. Publicly-funded healthcare is always doled out to women with children first and the rest after, and that's monumentally unfair. Are my health needs any less than someone who is breeding more burdens on the state? But there's me, poor-shaming and victim-blaming. But this is my hot point of contention, because one of my biggest stresses are the medical bills I can't pay (lab fees are expensive) and the multiple prescriptions I can barely afford. It's hard for me to be sympathetic to someone with insurance complaining about doctor's bills, when I pay everything out of pocket with no help.

I don't wish loss of job on many people (yes, I've said people should be fired, and meant it, I won't lie about that) but if there was a way I could have people live in my shoes for a month, with my budget, I would. Suddenly losing an income and having to live on less than half of what you were making, with no insurance or any other benefits is humbling and life-changing. You learn not to be wasteful. You learn what are necessities and what is not. You learn to prioritize. And, when you have friends in the same boat, you network. You share info about who has sales going, who's hiring, and who has prescription plans for the uninsured. And when you go on public assistance, you learn who people are, just from their attitudes. And that's probably the saddest thing of all.

An Adult's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't been full of the holiday cheer this year, and I know from one of my favorite holiday movies, Elf, that you need that to fly your sleigh, but I've been really depressed this holiday season. I'm finally understanding holiday depression, and I wish I wasn't. I am someone who is, by nature, greedy and avaricious, but when it comes to the people she loves and cares about, is generous and giving and caring. This year, I can't afford to buy my loved ones gifts. I can't even indulge in the pleasure of wrapping gifts, which is something I find soothing, because there are no gifts to wrap. I haven't even bothered to put up the tree. It's too depressing. So Santa, I don't want gifts, necessarily. What I want for Christmas is a job. I've been looking and trying so hard and can barely get an interview. I would love a job, I would love to stop feeling guilty for buying groceries because that takes away from the bill money. I'd like to be able to start paying my parents back the money they loaned me and have helped me out with. I would like to stop depending on my boyfriend for gas money. Most off, I'd like to not cry any more when bills come in-- I want the confidence to know I can pay them without concern that my bowling check will bounce (or that they will). So this small request, Santa, for all the resumes I'd sent out, please whisper in an HR administrator's ear to hire me, and maybe, just maybe, I can believe in holiday magic again.

Love,

Me.

Please, I Don't Need Your Help!

Because I don't have a DCUO pic...

John and I just wrapped up a 20 hour gaming marathon over two days on DC Universe Online. In that time our goal was to get my character from level 22 to max level 30 (we were successful) by clearing out all my quests and doing instances (if you want to know, I dinged level 30 taking down Fire). During that time, I did go off on my own to grind and farm. Let me point out that I almost always play a female character (the exception being my paladin from WoW) and while yes, I am a female gamer, I'm by no means new to this thing.

That being said, there are things that just make me rage. So you see a female character surrounded by mobs. She's a magic user, no way she can handle those by herself! So you run over and start killing mobs for her. I HATE THAT. DON'T DO THAT. I didn't ask for your help, so why the hell do you think you need to be a hero and save me? I pulled those mobs, and I'm going to AOE (area of effect) them down. I'm fine. Unless you see something in world chat or whatever that says "HALP!" I really don't want to see you hovering around. And if you're opposite faction and you try to "help," you're going to make me really fucking nervous. If PvP (player vs. player) is enabled, I may just go after you. I'm a PvPer, and I can't read best intentions, and cross-factions can't communicate. So if you're trying to do something nice, emote, okay?

I decided to dick around on some ridiculously low quests today because I never go to Metropolis in DCUO. I just hate the zone, but since I never really did anything there, I figured I could get some investigations completed (I'm a wicked completeist) to try to boost me up and get some extra skill points. So I'm flying around, killing shit and I get a tell (private message) from another player, telling me he/she would teach me about my class. I said no, grinding my teeth all along. They continued to talk at me about how hard my class can be at max level and I again declined, stating "I'm not an MMO noob." Then they bothered to look at my level (I was 27, almost 28 and 30 is the max, remember) and they kind of ate crow. I went back and talked to them, but seriously, I absolutely hate-- not just in gaming-- unsolicited advice/mentoring. I didn't ask. Don't assume I don't know my class or that I don't already have someone in my pocket. When I say "no thanks," please leave it at that.

Anyway, I should have taken a screenshot of my new armor set, because it looks fucking amazing.

I'm Not Uptight About Political Correctness

I've identified myself on this blog by many labels: poor, white, feminist, democrat, liberal, childfree, bipolar. But you know what? In no way am I politically correct. I say "retarded" all the time. I say ageist things, sexist things. I laugh at fart jokes. I laugh at racial joke. I say "black" instead of "African American" because that's just too many syllables and I'm lazy.

A lot of people will say "if you laugh at [x] joke then you don't really hold [x] values." I don't think that's true at all. I can still be a feminist and made crude abortion jokes about pushing/being pushed down some stairs (always with a Southern drawl). I can be horrified by sweat shop conditions in Asia and still think this is funny:

Why is this the only clip I can find? This isn't nearly as funny.

We live in such an over-sensitive society where we're so afraid to offend everyone that we keep everything as G-rated and Clorox clean as possible. I was thinking about this last night on my drive home, after watching The Soup and Tosh.0 with John, and the drag queen Manila Luzon came to mind. In her season of Ru Paul's Drag Race, she came under fire for perpetuating Asian stereotypes twice in her portrayal of Imelda Marcos and an Asian reporter (the Marcos impression was hilarious, by the way. Full episode here.). When asked about the backlash, Luzon said "The feedback I’ve gotten from other Asians don’t really think it’s offensive and honestly I didn’t think it was either."

People, we need to laugh, and if we can't laugh at ourselves and each other, what else is there? I'm not saying be mean about it, just have fun for Christ sake. I make fun of my own heritage and hobbies all the time. Take for example this weekend,  John and I are going to set up our  laptops at his house and pretty much give ourselves tendonitis from playing DC Universe Online all weekend. I made a crack that I planned to be in a cheeto-stained wife-beater with Mountain Dew and a new beard. "Wait, what, a beard?" he said. "Well I am French." I replied, taking another bite of my soup. There. Harmless fun. 

So relax, people, and enjoy this cartoon Asian thing not being able to say R and L properly: