Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Ridiculousness of Job Applications

So it's 3:39am and I just finished filling out a job application for an assistant general manager position at Ruby Tuesday. It took me probably a good 30 minutes to fill out. Earlier tonight, I filled out an application for a cashier position at my local JC Penney and as I finished the "assessment" the computer screen told me I didn't answer the questions correctly and if I'd still like to apply I could do so in 180 days. So, I took a bullshit personality assessment and because I didn't answer like a chipper cheerleader on E, no human being will see my application. But the Ruby's application took the fucking cake. They made me take the SATs. I'm not shitting you. I had to do geometry, those stupid word questions (shit is to poo like pee is to urine) and some mathematical pattern... things. After a while, because I suck at math, I started guessing.

What is this shit?

Employers, what the hell is going on? I have a college degree! I took the standardized exams! I did hours of study! A job application should not have all these senseless tests. The personality tests get me the most, though. You want to know my personality? Interview me. Don't have me do some bullshit personality assessment that tells me to "be honest" (ie; lie) and then fails me and denies me a job for being honest. This job market sucks. I want to work for you. I don't smoke so I won't take breaks constantly. I will work hard. I might not smile all the time but I get shit done and once I get comfortable I will milk you for all the motherfucking overtime I can get, worthless bastards.

It's times like this that I just get so frustrated and stop even trying to look.

5 comments:

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  2. I think you're giving Ruby's too much credit. I don't believe that's a math problem. They just want to know that you know 48 comes between 45 and 144. It's literally a "sequence". It's like 5:30 AM here, and I'm pretty tired, but I stared at that for a good while myself and I'm pretty sure there's no mathematical answer that makes sense. I'm kind of doubting myself because if I'm right, then . . . There are way more stupid people out there than I thought. But like I said, I've been up for a while (I had oncall work duties tonight).

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    1. It just doesn't seem to have any bearing on the job I was applying for. Some of the sequences were mathematical, and being really, really math-dumb, I was surprised I figured that out.

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  3. In a reddit thread about job applications, someone talked about going on interviews, that he goes on them about every two months, even though he has a job and is actually perfectly happy with it: Because these fuckers need to not always have all the cards.

    I mean, also because it forces you to get better at interviewing and to quantify your achievements and to keep your resume up to date, but because it's a buyer's market for employees right now and he wants to do his little smidgen to change that, to make them think about having to offer something better to their second choice because their first choice turned them down, etc.

    Of course he already has a job. But it's an interesting thought.

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    1. It would be nice if I could even get interviews... I had the best interview with Dress Barn and was sure I had the job but the GM of the store went behind the manager and hired someone else.

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