Yesterday I had one of the biggest panic attacks I've had in over a year. I'm not going into details about it because it could be, at this point, damning for me, but it's something that is causing me to think about some life changes.
The scary thing about the panic attack is not only the racing thoughts and the panic over the initial thing that caused it in the first place, but the snowball effect that it can have on everything else. I panic about one thing, which leads to another, and when I don't feel like I'm getting the support I need, I panic about relationships. I cried a lot and didn't eat anything until very late at night. I was very low-functioning and wallowing in my own despair all day. Because I thought that panic attacks weren't going to be an issue, I never really discussed them with my therapist back when I could still afford to go, so I don't have any coping mechanisms for them. No self-therapy I can use, no rescue meds. I tried to distract myself to my best ability. I watched a lot of Star Trek late into the night.
I my more lucid times, when I could utilize my racing mind, I researched the life changes I may need to make. Hopefully soon I will be able to update this blog with less vagarity and more clarity, and hopefully someday my mental health will be where I want it to be.