Sunday, November 18, 2012

Not Even Taking Time to Cry

I have been a tightly wound ball of stress lately, so badly that I'm snapping at people and crying at inappropriate times. The thing is, I have been so focused on my stress, so focused on trying to find a job before my unemployment runs out, trying to figure out how to pay bills, buy gas for my car, buy presents for Christmas, afford medications, pay medical bills, everything has been piling up and up and up into one big shit pile that I have not left myself any time to just cry. In fact, I found myself crying in my car Thursday night when I found myself with ten minutes to spare before going in to the bowling alley. And then I just started to cry in John's car last night on the way home from the store. I have been so stressed out that when I get bad news my first reaction is to go into fix-it mode now, instead of my old first-reaction which was to collapse and cry and feel helpless. But the problem is, I'm keeping the stress pent up inside, and when I sit alone, I stew over it and obsess and that makes it worse. But now, when I'm alone, I just feel like crying all the time. I told John I wished there was a way I could have him around all the time, because he distracts me. Hopefully soon, I'll have a job to distract me.

If anyone has any leads to a job that doesn't involve wiping asses, drop me a line.

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