I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted for a year now. Every day as new cases mount and new deaths are reported, I feel the weight of unshakable emotional fatigue. It's inescapable. I get 2 days off to recharge but it never feels like enough. With this in mind, I say, with the utmost rudeness and bluntness:
Don't ask me to do shit.
I am completely tapped out to the point of self-neglect, I don't have the time or mental energy to give to anyone else. The holidays were completely exhausting and not restful. Today is the first day I spent an hour on the treadmill in over 4 months. My running stamina is gone. I've barely worked out and my eating spiraled out of control during the last few months because I was so exhausted I couldn't bring myself to cook healthy meals or move. All I wanted to do was lay on my couch in my blanket, eating a bag of popcorn with nutritional yeast and binge watch my favorite shows. My sink is piled up, everything is a mess, and I just am not giving my labor-- physical or emotional-- to anyone right now. I need to take care of myself, because daily I am close to burnout and there is no end in sight.
So don't ask. Anything. The only person I am giving any mental energy to is my sister, because a) I volunteered to help her, b) she's my sister and has been a pillar of strength and support for me, and c) the spreadsheet she made for her business' finances was physically painful to look at. But that's it.
I'm going to sit here with my vibrantly green post-workout smoothie and do whatever the hell I want to do with my free time. Maybe I'll log back into WoW. Maybe I'll read. Maybe I'll start a craft project. But it will be for my own mental health, and not anyone else's.
On a completely separate note, I'm noticing a lot of hits to my blog from around the world, and a lot of my much, much older posts getting repeat hits. I wonder if they're bots or real people? If you are a real person, say hello, and tell me what brought you here. I'm curious, and Google analytics isn't very intuitive.
It's an expense, and of course it involves having someone in your house, but if you have a few hundred dollars of overtime paycheck to spare, housekeeping is a treat. and/or you could order something like... I know there's a more vegetable-focused version of nutrisystem, etc. Healthy microwave meals. Spend your available giveashit on stuff that saves you other giveashit.
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