Are You Seriously Tryna Holla At Me?

I'm going to get my personal vanity right out of the way right now: I'm hot. I know I'm hot. I don't look my age and I'm really skilled at using makeup to highlight my features (mainly, my eyes). And I have huge tits. I may be chubby but I have confidence and I've been told that's sexy.

I recently signed up for VampireFreaks.com because Jesus, look at me. I'm practically a vampire myself, and that's what I tell people. I tell them I come from a family of non-aging vampires and that's why we all look vastly younger than our actual ages. Plus, I have natural fangs. Anyway, I thought VF would be a good place to meet other Goths because I also live in Maine, and while I love my home state, it's very... rednecky? I don't see a whole lot of Goths around, and the ones dabbling in the scene are kids. So I thought joining a website dedicated to Goth culture would be neat, maybe I could have conversations with people and learn about events in my area, get exposed to new music and just overall drool over beautiful people.

What I got was a lot of lame attempts to hit on me. The most WTF-inducing was this one:

Can you kidnap me take me home and BBQ me for dinner?(:

...What? I didn't even respond. A majority of the initial messages I get are "heyy." How are you about to start a conversation with me with that? Jesus, as I write this blog now, another fucking bizarre message pops up in my inbox:

Would you eat an ant sized person for a billion dollars

...What? What the actual fuck?

Guys, seriously. I get that you see a pretty girl and you want to talk. Maybe get in her pants. But "heyy" will never get a response, and jumping into something weird and sexual also won't. I'm not looking for any sort of relationdateship right now, so if you want to get to know me and use that information to flirt, awesome. If you're lonely and need human contact and someone to talk to, awesome, because so does anyone else, and if you're relatively intelligent and polite, I'll give you my Kik user name. But sending "heyy" and then in the next breath asking for nudes? Rude. Now, I have met some really cool people on there and we have actual conversations. It's fun! It's stimulating! But man, am I disappointed in the lame attempts to get attention. I'm not going to cyber you, dude. Go away. Thanks for telling me I'm hot, I appreciate it, but the conversation is over. Go 'way.

Does that make me a bitch? I  don't think so. I hate to sound like one of those people that blames technology, but "heyy" seems to be the commonly accepted icebreaker these days, and honestly, I don't even give them a second glance. It's a burden of being pretty, that people want your attention, but I have a brain! Try harder! There's substance under this pretty exterior!