Monday, July 20, 2015

History Repeats

I started this blog back in 2012 when I became unemployed from T-Mobile, and now, here we are again, full circle, and I am once again unemployed. I've been out of work a week, unemployment and food stamps applied for, and waiting on decisions on both of those. I tell myself this time it will be different-- after all, in approximately a month, I will be heading to graduate school to get my Master's in Public Health. It's hard to remain positive though. Although well-managed, I still have Bipolar disorder, so I cycle between manic and depressive episodes (and more often than not, my mania is rage-filled and angry). Today is a depressive day. I'm sitting here with 4 tabs open for part-time cashier jobs thinking "I'm overqualified and they will never call me about any of these." But I need to survive, and I know Financial Aid alone won't cut it. The stress and anxiety are giving me a migraine, and I kind of just want to curl up and do nothing.

But I can't do nothing. I have to get my blood drawn to prove immunity to measles, mumps, and rubella for the university. I need to de-fluff my resume for entry-level jobs. I need to get my overgrown acrylics filled (and before anyone gives me shit for an unnecessary luxury like getting my nails done, this fill is a gift from someone). I need to get my prescription vitamin D refilled.

I'm trying to find ways to stay positive. I've thought about playing with makeup and maybe doing photo tutorials for my beauty blog. I've thought about walking every day (I've been more active, but not every day). I don't want to sink into the sucking, debilitating depression I went into in 2012. I can't. Most of all, to help counter that, this blog may be fully resurrected. I've been told in the past that posts here have helped people, here's hoping I can continue to, whether it be through my own personal experiences or ranting.

Stay tuned.


  1. Hey, I use HabitRPG/Habitica (they're getting ready to change the name), and a lot of people there are using it to make sure stuff gets done even when they're depressed. Not saying it's a cure for everything (or anything), but it's a supportive community. And you get XP and drops for doing chores, so that's fun.

    Just an idea in case you find it helpful.