Friday, August 22, 2014

A Roadblock

Today I experienced a disappointing setback in my reproductive health.

I got a call from the office that was going to perform my Essure procedure yesterday morning, letting me know that the appointment I had set with them two months ago couldn't be kept. They gave me the option of having it done today or on September 3rd. Since the later date would be impossible with my schedule, I chose today's date, for 10. I scrambled to prepare (without a functioning car at the moment, it was difficult, but John was incredible). I picked up a prescription for misoprostol and Vicodin at the pharmacy after work, packed a bag for the weekend, and headed back to John's for my appointment. This morning, the office called me stating they could get me in an hour earlier than anticipated. Hell yes, let's do this! I popped the Vicodin and we headed out.

By the time we got to the hospital, climbed the stair and got to the office, I could feel the effects of the Vicodin. They had me do a urine test, get a shot of Tramadol in each buttock,  and strip from the waist down. While I waited for my doctor to come in, I got dizzier and hot from the Vicodin. I wondered how on earth anyone could enjoy taking it recreationally. It just made me feel awful. Up to that moment, I was prepared, but I started to get nervous, so when the doctor asked me if I wanted anyone with me, I asked for John. I'm so glad I did.

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I'm not the kind of person that sugar coats anything, and I won't here. It hurt. I didn't think it would hurt as much as it did, with the Vicodin and shots. The initial opening of my cervix was so uncomfortable, the camera going in hurt. It was like my worst menstrual cramps, multiplied by ten. She started on my left side. I tried to focus on my breathing and squeezing John's hand. We made small talk with the doctor. Things seemed to be going good as she got a visual on my fallopian tube, but when it came time to insert the Essure coil, it was clear there was some difficulty. She told me my tube was spasaming so it was difficult to place. She tried one more tool to facilitate placement: a spreader for my tube. It hurt. A lot. A sharp stabbing pain and that's when the first tears came. It was the last attempt and I was starting to feel a little despair too. She withdrew the instruments and talked to me about different options. Essure under anesthesia, or a laproscopic procedure with clamping the tubes. I hadn't wanted to be that invasive, which is why I chose Essure to begin with. I left kind of an emotional mess. Where some women leave a gynecologist's office upset because they can't have children, I was distraught because after wanting sterilization for so long and having an amazingly supportive primary care physician and a good doctor to perform the procedure, I was still intact and able to get pregnant, which is the last thing I want in life.

This is not to scare people from Essure. People tried to scare me from it. It's not a bad procedure, but it didn't work with my body, and it does hurt. My cramping has subsided but I am bleeding some, which is to be expected. I'm just filled with an incredible disappointment. I was really looking forward to a new chapter in my reproductive health, being able to get off of hormonal birth control and not having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. I was looking forward to, in three months when the dye tests would have confirmed occlusion, of having an anti-baby shower with friends and lots of drinks. Now I feel like I'm in a holding pattern again, having to delve back into looking at my options and researching what might be the best course to go with.

But first, I need to process the emotions. I'm going to lay low for the weekend with John and relax. Then I can think again.

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